In August, life handed me a job description for the important role I’ve been neglecting since I got married 6 years ago: Chief Home Operations Manager (CHOM).
Congratulations! Upon marriage, you filled a part-time position for Chief Home Operations Manager averaging 30 hours per week, including evening and weekend hours as needed. Schedule is flexible based on other pressing needs and hours required may fluctuate depending on life circumstances.
The apartment seeks an energetic, motivated individual who can work well alone, is adept at managing household duties, and does not mind delegating tasks to a significant other. Candidate is a self-starter who should function well in a quiet environment without children. Detail-oriented is a plus. Primary responsibilities of the position will be:
- Caretaking of significant other as circumstances require
- Cleaning the bathroom sink, toilet, and shower
- Vacuuming the carpet
- Swiffering the bathroom and kitchen tile floors
- Washing dishes and putting clean ones away
- Wiping down the kitchen countertops
- Taking out the trash and recycling
- Overseeing the washing, drying, and folding of laundry
- Organizing out-of-place items on surfaces or other disorganized items
- Running errands outside of the household as required such as refilling stock of perishable and non-perishable groceries
Secondary activities include:
- Creating edible meals (original, appetizing, or enticing are optional)
- Scheduling of appointments and other activities
- Managing the household budget including balancing checkbooks, paying bills, overseeing responsible spending, and quarterly reviews
- Administration of insurance and medical claims
- Adept negotiation with vendors to secure lower costs on utilities, credit cards, or other other services
- Sifting through postal mail to determine junk and distribute important documents
- Occasional reorganization of closets and cabinets to make sure all items are accessible, active, and not expired
- Maintaining an pictorial archive of memorable moments
High school degree desired. BA or BS preferred. MA or PhD is ideal. 18 years life experience required; compassionate emotions, computer skills, and driving ability essential. Prior experience accomplishing household chores, using a calendar, reconciling a checkbook, and interest in home organization a plus. Good photography skills optional; will train on the job.
Wage begins at $0, regardless of experience. No reimbursement for travel. However, many hugs, kisses, and thanks are offered daily for a reward.
Affirmative Action Employer
My love for Lionel Richie’s sappy ’80s songs is immense. So I simply needed to share the current Internet meme that has gone viral with those of you who may not have seen it. (That, and I’m currently hurting for original blog material.)
And if, for whatever reason, you don’t get it, it means you don’t know the song so you don’t get the joke. Listen to it below:
The library makes a cameo in the video below. See, kids? There IS a place kinda like Netflix and Blockbuster where you can rent books instead of having to buy them from Barnes & Noble or Amazon. What a revolutionary concept!