I’m Just a Sucker with No Self-Esteem
“For a long time, I didn’t have any self-esteem,” William began.
That’s the first line to one of my favorite books that I go back to time and time again: When People Are Big and God Is Small. A few paragraphs down, author Ed Welch writes:
The problem was William’s reputation. It was what other people though about… him. Call it what you like—reputation, peer pressure, people-pleasing, codependency—William’s life was controlled by other people.
How true this is of me! How often can someone who doesn’t like me make or break my day by saying hi or snubbing me.
I’ve written about self-esteem and self-confidence before and how I think it is biblical to love yourself. Ed Welch argues somewhat differently in his book, saying that we need to find out worth in God through Jesus Christ, something I don’t necessarily disagree with. I believe in loving God first, yourself next, then loving others. It’s a natural progression. I believe loving others can only come from loving the primary people first (God and yourself).
I struggle with self-esteem and what others think of me. I’ve referred to my inferiority complex before. I’m not sure where my self-esteem issues stemmed from. I’m an only child so I could be one of two personalities: insecure with low self-esteem or arrogant with inflated self-esteem. I have a theory that people with siblings are likely to be a bit more balanced.
So I can definitely identify with William above. Self-esteem is probably an issue I’ll always struggle with.