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Mother’s Day

Image Credit: David Castillo Dominici

My mother will be visiting for Mother’s Day, which I’m thankful for because it takes the sting out of a holiday that’s become painful in recent years.

In dealing with infertility, I am well too aware that I am not a mom and the normal, everyday of life of baby showers, pregnant women, and children remind me of this. I don’t have much to say on this topic except that it’s not the happiest or joyous occasion for every woman. Some women are crying over the fact that they have not been able to have children of their own—whether it be through adoption or natural childbearing.

When I started the journey toward having children, I never anticipated that the journey would be so long and arduous. It comes so easily and naturally for those who want it and those who don’t, why not us?

This is a time when I must remind myself to hope in God regardless of how I want to feel toward Him. Because I want to be angry. I want to be bitter. I want to blame Him for my barren womb. But I remember so many of the women who came before, especially Hannah, Samuel’s mother, and I try to remember their faithfulness to God. I want to not give up. I want to have hope. I want to hope because that’s part of my faith.

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  1. Lisa
    May 22, 2012 at 2:21 AM

    I always find myself so alone. Even my husband doesn’t understand why I am still upset about my inability to bear children. He crassly told me once that I needed to “get over it”. I told him if that was how he felt that there was the door. Since then he has been much more supportive, but I can tell that the urge just is not the same for him as it is for me. I have been trying to have children for 12 years now. It broke up my first marriage and is threatening my second one as well. I feel so incomplete.

    I stopped going to church because the sight of all of the pregnant women and the children running around was too much. I too can barely stomach baby showers and have only attended one for my sister in the last 10 years. Even then I “ran to the bathroom” just as you described.

    You spoke of the abortion rate in NYC which is just outrageous. I had not heard that statistic. What gets me are stories like Andrea Yates and Susan Smith. How have I been deemed unworthy to bear children, but they were found worthy and they both drowned their gifts from God. It just doesn’t make sense.

    I think people believe that I should “be over this by now”. But the urge is not going away and I don’t know if it ever will. I have dealt with my anger towards God . . . at least mostly, but it’s so disheartening that no one understands me and I feel like no one even tries . . .

  2. Kass
    May 11, 2014 at 11:00 AM

    Reblogged this on This Journey Is My Own and commented:

    Mother’s Day post from 2 years ago. Even though I am no longer childless and struggling with infertility, my thoughts are with those today who are dealing with motherlessness—the desire for it or the loss of one.

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