Image from hotnerdgirl.wordpress.com

I’m not really into 10-step or how-to posts. It’s just not authentic coming from me. But after reading Michael Hyatt’s post on 10 Ways to Generate More Blog Traffic, I suddenly realized I could write a 10-step post on how NOT to get high blog traffic (mostly because it’s nearly anti-everything Hyatt proposes).

1. Market your blog among certain family members.

The main readers of this blog are my husband and mother-in-law. Everyone else is gravy!

2. Don’t comment on blogs unless you have something you really want to say.

I read a few blogs. But often I don’t have anything to say or add to a discussion. I’m not going to post on someone’s blog to add drivel just so I can drive traffic back to my site. But I am likely to like posts on WordPress.

3. Write posts on a variety of subjects. Don’t make your focus too specific.

My blog is not specific to a particular topic except that everything written interests me in some way. The way to get the best blog traffic or visibility is to be topic-specific that appeals to a wide range of people: Michael Hyatt’s focus is on leadership, lifehacker is about productivity and technology, copyblogger is about marketing copy (e.g., blogging, writing, editing, publishing). My focus is too narrow, and quite frankly, not that interesting.

4. Compose content that helps people.

Most of my content on this blog doesn’t help people; it’s simply an outlet for me to express my feelings and share experiences with others. Blogs like that have a difficult time getting high traffic. However, if your shared experience is beneficial in assisting others (as my depression introspection blog is), that blog has the potential for high traffic.

5.  Don’t advertise your blog anywhere.

I do not include my blog URL on my email sig lines and no longer auto-post to Facebook (really because of technical difficulties). I have a link posted to Twitter, which probably doesn’t account for most of my traffic. When I comment on the blogs of others (outside of WordPress), I don’t always include a link back to my blog because I see that as pompously self-promoting (only for myself, of course). I do use tags in the hopes of garnering traffic here and there, but I don’t make a real effort to attract people to my site.

6. Post sporadically.

I auto-generated weekly posts to the site back in November and December but that will end sometime in February. After that, posts will crop up here and there as I feel led to post. It’s not very good for blog traffic, especially when you want readers to check your blog regularly for new content. They won’t return after a while if new content hasn’t appeared in 2 weeks. (Sometimes I post once a month!)

7.  Draft average, uninteresting blog titles.

This blog post may be an anomaly in bland titles. Or it may simply be average because who knows how many people post on SEO Fail? I write posts on assorted ramblings, infertility, and how I got my name. The blog titles aren’t snazzy or captivating, and for me, that’s okay. I’m not trying very hard to capture the attention of others.

8. Shun search engine optimization tactics.

For depression introspection, I was rabid about employing SEO tactics before I even knew what they were: posting on comments on blogs everywhere, registering my blog in places like Technorati, and using pingbacks religiously. The most I’ve put effort into is BlogHer, and even I don’t keep up with that anymore. BlogHer is a-whole-nother beast.

9. Don’t offer your subscribers anything for subscribing.

I don’t have a free eBook at the ready for my loyal subscribers. And even if I did, I’m not sure what it would be about! It’s like having a guest over to your place and going, “Sorry, I got nothing to offer you but water.” It’s kind of bare. People like to get something in return for being loyal and dedicated. I wouldn’t even know where to begin do anything of that sort.

10. Post fluff and so-so content.

WordPress used to encourage me to write fluff posts courtesy of Plinky. (It doesn’t prompt authors for scheduled posts, only for published posts.) I put fluff posts out there because it’s something written each week, but I’m not really a fan of it because it’s not intellectually stimulating. But hey, it’s my blog! My thoughts won’t always be intellectually provocative, and as such, blog posts may follow suit.

So there are your 10 steps to avoiding high blog traffic. Anybody care to add any others? (Thanks for reading!)

1. I rock an afro among a predominantly white community.

2. I don’t always say things that make sense. (I know everyone does this, but I seem to accomplish this feat during moments that prove to be most embarrassing.)

3. I don’t speak like a “typical” black person. (In fact, if I try, I am laughed at by whites and blacks alike.) I have been told I am articulate.

Image from centerstage.org

I have known about your company since its near inception. I had to reject you at first because I was afraid of starting with a company from the ground up. Then several years later, you opened your arms up to me but kept me on the fringes. I’ve been continually rejected from being a full-fledged employee in your company. I am just the proofreader.

I attend your company parties and watch as you dole out thoughtful gifts to your employees. I help your proofreading department and make your materials error free. But you don’t know anything about me, so I do not receive anything. I am just the proofreader.

No one talks to me. No one cares about me beyond a simple “hello.” Everyone is too busy with their tasks or more concerned about their friends already at work. Because, you see, I am just the proofreader.

I polish and proof. I redact and edit. I am the phantom behind the writers. I am just the proofreader.

I am called randomly for work. I get a change in routine. I am paid well for my services. With this, I don’t mind just being the proofreader.

I have been praying for various people who have been out of work to obtain full-time jobs. Again, God has been saying no.

In Paul E. Miller’s A Praying Life, he contrasts asking selfishly in prayer against not asking at all.

Jesus’ prayer at Gethsemane demonstrates perfect balance. He avoids the Not Asking cliff, saying, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me” (Mark 14:36).

. . . In the next breath, Jesus avoids the Asking Selfishly cliff by surrendering completely: “Yet not what I will, but what you will” (14:36). Jesus is real about his feelings, but they don’t control him, nor does he try to control God with them. He doesn’t use his ability to communicate with his Father as a means of doing his own will. He submits to the story that his Father is weaving in his life.

And most of us know what happens after Jesus prayed: he was unjustly crucified by the Pharisees and Roman authorities.

Reading that prayer through the lens of A Praying Life struck me with a view I’d never had before: God denied Jesus’ request. Jesus must submit to the Father’s will and not follow his own. If God can say no to his own son, how can I expect a “yes” answer to all of my prayers? This realization is a game-changer for me because I now know in these things I must submit myself to God’s will. God’s will is not for me to have children right now. It is a painful answer as I’m sure temporary separation from the Father was a painful answer for Jesus. It’s a painful answer for God to tell dear friends that they will remain unemployed for several years.

Not that submitting to the will of God will be easy; in fact, it will be even harder knowing I must do it willingly.

1) What great thing would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?

I’d begin an editing business. First, I’d solely take on editing projects by myself to establish a reputation. If more requests came in and I could afford to pay another editor to take on a project, I’d hire someone else. I would like this editing business to grow so that the editing business becomes a network of freelance editors.

2) What would you do if you were 10 times bolder in your relationships, work, family, and spiritual life?

If I were 10 times bolder in relationships including family, I’d be completely honest about my struggles. In work, I would do things and risk suffering the consequences of my actions later. In my spiritual life, I’d believe in God boldly and His ability to do amazing things in my life and the lives of those I know.

3) What would you be doing if you had all the money in the world?

Honestly? Spending it on myself selfishly lol. I’d get voice lessons for fun. I’d spend some on missionaries and charitable organizations my husband and I support. I’d also put it toward my editing business to make that dream come true sooner that I hoped! I’d buy things for friends and be less stingy with gift-giving.

4) If you could teach something, what would you want to teach?

English or History.

5) If you left this life tomorrow, what message would you leave behind for the next seven generations?

Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless. So fear God, eat, drink, and be merry!

6) How short would your life have to be before you would start living differently today?

I don’t know how I could live differently. The only things I want to do before I die are a process and take time. Maybe I’d drop everything I’m doing and really put my energy toward getting my book published.

7) When was the last time you went someplace you had never before?

In 2006 when my husband and I went to the Dominican Republic and just relaxed.

8) What is your biggest dream?

To have kids. That’s a legacy that lasts beyond getting a book published (my second biggest dream).

9) Can you describe your life with a six-word-or-less sentence?

My life is random and crazy.

10) When was the last time you tried something new?

In December when I began working in the children’s section of the library. It is daunting.

11) What makes you come alive?

Good music.

12) How much control do you have over your life?

None. I just like to think I do.

13) How would your life be different if you knew you weren’t judged or criticized?

I wouldn’t live with constant paranoia.

14) Why do you love what you love?

I love editing because it’s great to shape and craft the words of others and watch their thoughts emerge. I am the unknown person behind the scenes who willingly hands the spotlight to others.

15) When you’re much older, what type of stories do you want to tell?

Stories about crazy things I did in my mundane life. Like working 4 jobs.

16) Beyond color, nationality, job titles accomplishments, sexual preferences, or labels given by others…who are you?

I am a child of God.

17) Are you settling?

Yes and no. I am settling for working several jobs in the hopes that I can pay down my bills and build a business. But on the other hand, two of those jobs are in the realm of where I want my business to go and the other two are simply for fun.

18) What does your joy look like today?

My decent eyesight lasting until 1 pm.

19) Finish this sentence: When I think of love, I think of…

God and my husband.

20) What did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a singer. Ha!

21) What could you say was your defining moment?

When I attended NYU for the first time and thought, I’m really here. I’m living my dream. This is my dream come true.

22) How do you define “soul”?

The immaterial part of you that lives on eternally.

23) When did you become so fearful as an adult?

September 2011 when I was struck with severe anxiety of everything.

24) If you could go back and do something again, would you have made the same choices?

Yes. I wouldn’t know any different.

25) If you were God, with the absolute power of creation, how would the world look?

A world of perfect harmony without discord.

26) What are some things worth fighting for?

Love, life, and faith.

27) What is the most important thing to teach a child?

Fear of God.

28) Where is heaven to you?

Somewhere beyond this galaxy; beyond what human eyes can see.

29) What do you want your future self to say about your present self?

Be patient.

Image from alex-diaz.com

I “randomly” turned to Psalm 103 in my devotions yesterday, and it was full of quote-worthy verses. Here’s a passage that stood out to me:

The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. (v. 8)

Oddly enough, a few days ago, I read in Joel 2:

Now return to the LORD your God, For He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and relenting of evil. (v. 13)

I like these verses because they are reminders of God’s attributes. In the midst of my pain, stress, and anxiety, I don’t feel a God who is any of these things. (Well, maybe the slow to anger part because I haven’t been smited yet.)

But God is gracious: I have three, going on four, part-time jobs in a down economy.

God is compassionate: I am earning money to pay bills and start a freelancing business.

God is slow to anger: In all the stupid ways I’ve disobeyed him and blasphemed, he still loves me.

God is abounding in lovingkindness: He has surrounded me with supportive friends and family.

God is relenting of evil: Oh, the punishment I deserve for being a rebellious child and having my heart set against him!

Satan has really set some attacks against me so that I destroy myself. But I am thankful that God’s truths are reiterated in different ways.

I don’t blog every day because, frankly, I have nothing of value to add each day. I don’t want this blog to become “I had a good day today because my family was here!” or “I had a horrible day today. Worst day EVAR!!!” I want this blog to be somewhat smart and interesting. I want to tackle topics that are important to me that other people don’t talk about. (Well, I could talk about poop but moms of newborns have that covered.) Okay, maybe I’ll tackle politics this year.

I have several blogs, each focused on a different topic: Pop! Goes the Music focuses on pop music but I’ll probably only post to that when I feel like it rather than trying to establish a regular posting schedule. I’ve been upfront on depression introspection that the site is rarely updated and mainly offered as a resource. I also have a professional blog about the dynamics of the American English language.

Posting to This Journey Is My Own is still fun. I don’t do it often, much of my posts are scheduled (thanks to prompts), and I blog when I want to rather than feeling like I need to (as with my professional blog). I also like that my readership is moderate despite that wacky 992 e-mail subscriber number.

My Professional Blog

My professional blog feels like a 100-ton weight around my shoulders even though it’s a topic I enjoy. Somehow my readership has built up to a decent size (not for most people but for me), which gives me stage fright. I seize up when having to write a blog post. Remember, I’m a professional editor: my posts need to be near perfect before I can hit that publish button. I draft a post, edit, put it away, then edit it again before scheduling it for publication. Time and time again, I think of giving up the blog. It’s not fun, and I want it to be. There’s no room for mistakes and it’s anxiety-inducing. I’m also often pressed for time, and each post requires thought and some citing of references. I can’t merely sit down and write an authoritative post on lay vs. lie off the top of my head; I need help from Grammar Girl, Merriam-Webster, or Grammatically Correct. Oh, and no one pays me for these posts. I am currently working three part-time jobs with a fourth brewing. Not to mention the ordinary tasks and errands I need to tend to. How am I supposed to focus on a professional blog with all this craziness? (Thank God the holidays are over.)

My Life

Maybe you’d like to know about my four jobs. Maybe you’re interested in learning when to use who and whom (a topic I plan to cover on my professional blog). Perhaps you’d like to know that I’m dealing with flash dizziness as a side effect of my medication. Or that I’m dealing with the potential reality of a life without children who have my husband’s hazel eyes and my dark curly hair. I don’t even know if my medical history will allow me to adopt children.

I can’t afford to fall apart because I’m so busy, but here I am struggling with a way to avoid checking out of life. My heart wants nothing more than to find a way to escape all of my obligations when all I really need (I think) is a week without people, to disconnect, to just relax. Relaxation will not come until March is over, until after the stupid party I’ve planned for myself ends (I’m anticipating a disaster because I’m a pessimist), until my editing project is off my plate, and I am not working regularly six, sometimes seven days a week. I’m beseeching God to give me the strength to get through three months. I need to get through these next three months with my mental health intact.

Let’s also discuss how I feel like I bring cursing upon the heads of those whom I pray for. Since 2008, I’ve been regularly  praying for my friend’s husband to find a full-time, steady job. That has not been answered with a yes. (And yes, I would like the answer to that prayer to be a one-time “yes” instead of a continuous “no.”) I haven’t had kids of my own and have watched the precious children of others rapidly grow up. A dear friend has not received definitive answers about persistent problems with her health. This is frustrating. My prayers have gone from “Please, Lord, let the Phillies win” to “please, Lord, provide for this family,” “give this family hope,” and “give this family answers.” I consider not praying anymore so maybe God will answer these prayers if other people pray. Perhaps I am hindering these prayers from being answered.

I should be thankful. But I’m a pessimist so I simply see discontent. Will I ever see contentment this side of heaven?

Anxiety & Fear

I am trying to hold on to two scriptures to help me get through each day:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:6–7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. —II Timothy 1:7

I find it nearly impossible to obey the first verse. These days I am anxious about everything: driving, interactions with others, my editing, my performance on the job, having children, creating and publishing a blog post, what I say, what I do, what I cook, exercising, my standing with God . . . the list goes on and on. Everything in me wants to quit my job but I also know if I did that, I’d never venture out into the world again. Fear would paralyze me and I’d probably have to go on disability because of debilitating anxiety. It’s what my father applied for before he passed away. I simply don’t know how to overcome my anxiety and fear. I don’t know how to overcome my strong, repulsive feelings of “I really don’t want to do this.” Ativan has become quite the helpful pill recently.

Health

Thirty is certainly not shaping up to be remotely close to 29. I suffer with constant dizziness and equilibrium issues (could be due to my medication). I have constant fatigue and struggle with feeling like I have brain fog that I just can’t break through. My vision, after years of not changing, has gotten worse and I’m afraid to drive at night. All of this wears my mental health down and I feel as though there’s no point in continuing on living if 30 is shaping up to be this bad. What will 40 bring? 50? Why not just end it now while I’m still somewhat in my prime?

Oh, look, a blog post in which I did not need to cite references (OK, maybe I did with scripture) or worry about the grammar in my post. I edit as I go, hit publish, and come what may. On this blog, I am not the polished editor trying to put on a professional face. On this blog, I am just me: warts, discontents, flaws, unpolished, and varnished. I can vent. You can choose to read it or not. But this blog provides a form of catharsis in ways that the high readership of depression introspection or the forced perfection of my professional blog do not. If you’ve read this far, thanks for reading.

Happy New Year! Since it’s the first of the year, it’s time to post this year’s goals! I’ve set reminders so that I can do a mid-year and end-of-year check-in. Nothing special here; just a straightforward list of my goals.

1. Schedule a blog post for each week
2. Go to the gym on Tuesdays for at least 15 minutes
3. Strength train Mondays and Thursdays a week for at least 15 minutes
4. Put aside $25 per paycheck ($50/month) for website redesign in March 2012 (before website expiration in April)
5. Combat discontent by listing 3 things every day that I’m grateful for
6. Relax 2 times a month on the Sabbath (a day off, not necessarily Sunday) by reading, listening to music, dancing, napping, meditating, watching a movie (something fun) for most of the day
7. Read a book for at least 15 minutes 3 times a week
8. Read 36 books (3 books a month) by December 31
9. Complete half of manuscript rewrite by June 2012 (Work on 10 pages once a week on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Saturdays for 2 hours)
10. Complete rewrite of manuscript by December 2012
11. Edit for 1 new client this year

Helpful tools assisting me this year:

Blogging: WordPress

Gym of choice: Planet Fitness

Strength training guru: Personal Training with Jackie Warner: Power Circuit Training

Saving money: PNC’s Virtual Wallet

Tracking habits-in-the-making: Health Month

Reading books: Goodreads

Organizing novel structure: Scrivener

Tracking time, cost, and billing of clients: Time Master + Billing